you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
