dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how can u be prego again
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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