Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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