theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
