ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
