your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
