I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
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