There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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