i will never coherently bang her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
