I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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