dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
