I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
