im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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