dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
