chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
