we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's the barista slut.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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