meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
