Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
