I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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