i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
