She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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