i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize