John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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