i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
