if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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