Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
