I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
