Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
