I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
