I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
