I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This baby is an asshole
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
