My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
