So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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