God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
