it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
