he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
