it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
