nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
