im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
