Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
