i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
