also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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