Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
