I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
