i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
