Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
