I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
