Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
