Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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