I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
