3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize