I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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