Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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