We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
