I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
