it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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