Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize