I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
