cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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