It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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