All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
