wakey wakey hands off snakey
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
