Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
