Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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