the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Welp...herpes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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