he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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