May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
