You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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