Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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