and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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