I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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