My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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