Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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