The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
