there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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