So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
