I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
